I had a wonderful time with Zixin just now, celebrating her birthday and sharing life stories over dinner. I am so grateful to have found a friend in her, and we help shape each other into better women. Women who are learning to be lost in God so that the right guys would have to seek Him to find us.
When the going gets tough(er), and the tough does not feel tough, and does not feel like going, there occurs a major conflict of interest and the heart threatens to tear apart.
I do not know if anyone else would even begin to comprehend what I am experiencing. Perhaps I am even making all these up. I don’t even know what the hell is going on anymore. I can’t even hear God’s voice clearly. He is my sole true Guide. If I can’t hear Him, what am I to do?
I tried fighting it. I put up a fight. I put up a defense. We’ve been taught, haven’t we, to put up a good fight. So fight I did. But I realised that fighting brings me nowhere. Surrender, however, gives me some sort of peace, and assurance.
It is not me; I cannot do it on my own. So,
Fall, fall, fall to your knees
He will pick you up
He will show you that it has always
been about Him and His goodness
and His faithfulness,
never about ours.
Yearning for more of times like this…