I set out for vacation after a flurry of activities, leaving flurries of worries behind, to find the real me that i had somehow lost along the way.
I was jaded of everything after a year of non-stops, an entire year of transitions.
So on this trip with my family, i read some, caught up and finished the transcripting work, prayed some, served some, and was present much with Family.
It doesn’t seem right that i had neglected my extended family for the many years i was in higher education levels. Suddenly they had missed my teenage years, and have emerged an adult in this appearance.
Nonetheless, it was a good catch-up, albeit quick ones, with all these people who matter. Imperfect peoples with varying forms/degrees of anxieties, eccentricities, fears, hypocrisies, idiosyncrasies, worries, etc. I would have judged them in the past and think tsk tsk, but i realise now that these imperfections are exactly what makes us all human.
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” —Matthew 7:3-5 NIV
My favourite part of the trip thus far was navigating the routes for daddy to and fro Penang. The task offered me enough responsibility to stay engaged, as well as enough personal introspective space to ponder.
On our way back to Ipoh, i had some new epiphanies.
- It was God who has built within me the capacity to manage multiple things at once. Gymnastics + studies + prefectorial duties in primary school; choir + studies + councillor duties + youth ministry in high school; ID + youth/uni ministry + RAG + management committee duties + tuition + ID fellowship + hopekids in university. Hopekids + tuition + litile collective now, post-“education”.
I seem to be a bicycle, requiring movement in order to maintain balance on the journey. This explains why i died quite a bit when i made the (wrong) decision to pause everything else to focus solely on thesis at the start of the year. Keep moving. Keep maintaining balance. Keep pressing on for what matters to me, and just make time and do it.
- God has the wider view, and He holds my life in His loving hands.
The view up close is useless for navigation. You realise too late that a decision needs to be made, that you should have made a turn here and there…
The timely reminder that the Lord holds my whole world in His hands, coupled with the strange enjoyment of macro aeriel views on the map where i can understand the turns i’m experiencing with the lines i see on the map, is a comfort, a security, a privilege.
Thank You for loving me, and never forsaking me. Your promises are true, alive, and health for my bones. Forever and ever, amen.