my lot is secure

it’s been a long day.

to end it off, i’m on the train back home with two young couples. a pair directly opposite me, another pair two seats away on my right.

was distracted from my current read “In Praise of Shadows”. they are within my peripheral vision even as i am typing this 😦 i cannot help but feel a tinge of envy, and also of loss, because i never had this, and would never have.

yet, my lot is secure! yes, my lot is secure! the boundaries have fallen for me in pleasant places, and so i will stand firm in my wait.

giving thanks for today: praise be to God my everlasting help, my sovereign King, that my class had an unprecedented 90% (this is an estimate; too lazy to calculate) attendance at the meeting this morning. we arranged the studio layout rather efficiently, and then heard our seniors share about the thesis journey, and then the profs came by to say a few words and to observe how we did things a little, as we continued to elect the grad show ’15 main committee.

thankful that all went well, thankful for classmates who are encouraging, assuring, and believing in me. many have been telling me ‘you’ll do a good job”, “you’re the best person for this”, “thank you for doing this”, “you are very brave”. a note: only Jesus makes me good, and only Jesus makes me brave. so all glory to God!

i was surprised by Aidie’s gestural gift of encouragement today. he presented me with the mini nintendo remote control which i commented on last week when i saw his. it was very nice of him to offer one to me, saying smth like, “thanks for doing this for the class”. :’)

so my class has a grad show main committee now. and people seem to be ok and cooperative and thinking.

then, i started to be psychologically and mentally tired. too many voices and thoughts and people i have to filter out of my system. tendency to overthink. a lot of social stress. makes me tired. i need to stop getting defensive when people ask me if i’m going to ask Hans to be my supervisor. i get defensive cos i fear they see me as competition. zzz. i must remember to just be myself. to be who i am in God. be true ALL THE TIME to myself, and to others. be okay with myself. stop doubting. start trusting. trusting God, and trusting myself (because all that i am has been God-breathed; all my being is in Him).

thankful that God knows me and sends people to talk to me. Seth was here for a while, chatted a bit and encouraged as i shared how God healed Tzeyu’s grandma miraculously! and then Jamie sent me a prayer-text encouragement which is ALWAYS welcomed!

and also, i am sensing a lot of supernatural guidance from the Lord. so far all the ideas that stick are inspired, and they STICK. i don’t even have to write them down, but i do anyway. but yeah they’re always at the back of my head and i can see how bits and pieces are coming together: thoughts months ago x thoughts moments ago.

exciting times. must be grounded and anchored always by the hope secure in Christ Jesus. amen.


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