Navigating the rough waters of this life journey is never easy I suppose; it definitely has not been easy for me. Many moments I’ve wondered, what does it mean truly for me to be twenty, for me to be turning legally an adult soon next year. In my opinion, the familial aspect of growing up is the hardest. At college, it’s good. I understand that I am no longer a teenager, and that mature decisions are expected of me. I am learning to be more responsible, to be on time for classes and meetings, to do my parts for group projects well. Though it’s no less easy, I am learning and am moving forward.

It isn’t so easy and so clear-cut at home. How do you even grow out of being daddy’s girl? How do I manage all the negative things that come and yet still in the midst of it all remember and understand that he loves me? What am I supposed to do when I am not loved in the ways that I want?

I’d been wondering what God is wanting me to learn out of this difficult season. I think I’d been too wrapped up in myself earlier to have understood the important things that He is desiring to reveal, to show me, to lead me, to guide me. Thankfully through Jiajia, Jolyn, yesterday’s sermon, and the thinking moments I had today, and this time that these words flow eloquently from my brain to my fingers, paths are beginning to show and I feel like perhaps I know where I am headed, where I am supposed to go from here…

I can’t express my gratitude enough that Christ found me, and He reminds me again and again that I am not in this life alone. I may feel the loneliest of all loneliness, I may feel the darkest of all darkness, no one else may be able to understand the core of my heart’s cry, yet in the midst of it all I can be secure to know that He is with me. He is with me. He is for me. He loves me. He loves me. He loves me. And that, is all I need.

I need an anchor/ some thing that never lets go / some thing that feels like home (Lost Kids, The Apache Relay)

That anchor we need, I’ve found.

I am sorry for the times I forget that I have You, O Lord. I am sorry for the times I insist my ways, rather than yielding to You and the plans You have for me. I am sorry for all the things (only You know) I do/fail to do rebelliously. Thank You for loving me with Your all, regardless. Thank You for the people You have graciously given me. Thank You for taking me in hand, and walking through each day, stormy or scorching, with me.

(Photo credit: Limin, who thoughtfully shared this image with me after her vacation in Korea because she thought rightly that I’d love it.)

 

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